Is coffee-meetings the key to improved between-people entrainment?

I have returned to my role as a coach for people who want to improve their entrepreneurial thinking, learning, and performance. Now I offer the same services in Helsingfors or via the internet. I have a client who is looking for a new office. During this process they had some issues with their current landlord. In human interaction, we aim for entraiment. In that process, written language may actually be the least important aspect. Coffee seems to be an intervening variable. I suggested that they should invite the landlord over a cup of coffe. They followed my advice and instead of a lot of back-and-forth-misunderstanding, their facial, body, and verbal language together established entrainment, and when they described their situation - not knowing where to find a new office - the landlord offered to help them.

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I have returned to my role as a coach for people who want to improve their entrepreneurial thinking, learning, and performance. The former is also called executive coaching. In Sweden, before I became a researcher, I was a performance coach, and in parallel with my research about leadership, I was an executive coach. Now I offer the same services in the capital of Finland, Helsingfors or via the internet.

I have a client who is renting an officer space but is looking for a new office. During this process they had some issues with their landlord. They were a bit disappointed with the outcome of their communication, which took place via email, which is a great thing for fast communication. But it may also be a risk for misunderstanding. The reason for this is that not all aspects of human expressions are manifested in an email.

The backstory is that the human lineage goes back approximately seven million years before the present (Pickford och Senut, 2001; Pickford, 2006; Pobiner, 2016), but a cultural language emerged 2 million years before the present, and we have used syntax for ~200 000 years (Aiello and Dunbar, 1993; Ardonetti, 2016; Everett, 2017; Pagel, 2017). When humans express something, which usually is about storytelling, written language may actually be the least important aspect.

When we interact with other people, we use facial expressions, body language, and on top of that: verbal expressions. Probably in that order. The facial expression not only tells people of your state of mind, but also feedback to our own limbic system (Österberg, 2001), and include clues for intention; a smile may be the starting point for a business cooperation, or forming a family.

What we target when we communicate with other people is something called entrainment - rhythmic synchronization of behavior (Borrie, 2017; Wynn and Borrie, 2022). Occurrence of entrainment is manifested by the fact that the conversation is going on in good spirit. You feel harmonious and just want to continue the conversation.

One intervening variable for interpersonal communication is coffee. The first coffee houses in Europe emerged in London approximately three hundred years ago. They became hubs for conversations. In Helsingfors, inside the Metro station just outside the gate to the escalator, there are seven cafes wall to wall. Today, 'fika', a Swedish word which like 'smörgåsbord', 'fartlek', and 'lördagsgodis', have become integral part of humans social repertoar.

Long story short, I suggested to my clients that next time they received an email from the landlord, instead of responding with an email, they should invite the landlord to their office for a coffee-meeting. In that meeting I suggested that they should tell the landlord about their situation - looking for a new place to rent. The landlord, who is in the business, may have connections to other landlords.

A couple of weeks later, I got an email from the client. They had received another email from the landlord and had decided to follow my advise. In their kitchen, over a cup of coffee, instead of a lot of back-and-forth-misunderstanding, their facial, body, and verbal language together established entrainment, and when they described their situation - not knowing where to find a new office, the landlord offered to help them.

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More about my expertise:

Executive coaching for CEOs/managers and workshops to facilitate Organizational Performance, Learning, and Creativity for Problem Solving | Lectures: Nutrition for physical and mental health | Course/lecture: children's emotional and social adjustment and cognitive development | Language training - Swedish | Academy Competency | CV | Teaching skills and experience | Summary of research project | Instagram | Linkedin | YouTube-channel | TikTok | Twitter