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Today I had a coffee-meeting which started great, but ended in disaster.
The backstory. I'm a psychological scientist/research psychologist. I was recruited twice to Finland and the University of Helsingfors because of my expertise in executive functions, e.g. leadership, decision making, entrepreneurial thinking, and creativity for problem solving and innovation (Österberg, 2001, 2004, 2012). Because I have no research money, but TV-English, I aim to offer my expertise to private organizations and government arms in Finland or elsewhere in the world. That means I'm kind of active to reach entrainment, which is rhythmic synchronization of behavior (Borrie, 2017), with people with whom I can form beneficial cooperations with.
On October 25, 2025, I met a person at a vernissage who shared my interest in preventing antisocial behavior. We really had entrainment. It turned out that he was a former the police chief who in Agust had resigned from the Helsingfors Police department. According to Finnish media:
“The decision is based on a conflict of values with police leadership".The same evening (7.26 pm), I wrote to him:
“Hi X, It was a pleasure meeting you and your wife at the XXXXXX event and discussing potential collaboration regarding how my expertise could help prevent antisocial behavior among Finnish children and youth.
Let’s grab a coffee soon and continue the conversation!
As I mentioned, my background is in psychology; twenty-five years ago, I conducted the study that became my master’s thesis in social psychology (Österberg, 2004).
It includes 15 ANOVA/ANCOVA tables based on responses from over 1,200 14-year-olds regarding emotional and social adjustment and cognitive development—the components that collectively form the mind's executive functions.
As I also mentioned, I met Sir Michael Rutter – known as the father of child psychiatry – in 2010 at a Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences (KVA) conference on antisocial behavior.
When I described the results of my study, Dr. Rutter said:
“You are right on the money, but it's a hot political potato.”
That “hot potato" costs Finnish society enormous sums, and I possess expertise that could likely contribute to improvements for Finland.
As I said, let’s grab a coffee soon and continue the conversation!"
“Hi Peter,
Thank you for your message and for the meeting at XXXXXXXXX. It was great to hear about your experience in preventing antisocial behavior. Let’s arrange a time to continue the discussion over a cup of coffee.
I would have time towards the end of November—for example, on the 17th or 20th.”
“Hi X,I never heard from him again.
I’ll go with November 17th.
I am available during office hours.
Location and time?
Best regards,
Peter”
Then on August 11, 2026, a woman approached me at another vernissage. She said that we used to meet at another vernissage. We had entrainment but then we parted way to watch the exhibition.
Then, which is probably August 29, we met again, and again we had entrainment. Out of the blue, a tall man showed up with what I will interpret was a dominance display. It was the husband who I spoke to the year before, and who had invited me to a meeting which he never confirmed.
His behavior was of the jealous husband.
After I recognized him, I pointed out to him that he was the guy who had invited me to a meeting, but who never confirmed when I replied to him (see conversation above).
He said that we should do that, and suggested September 22, 2026.
Again I heard nothing from him, but on September 21, I received the following mail:
“Hello mr Österberg, shall we meet in Alenius coffee Merikatu 1? Tomorrow at 13:00?I replied:
Best
X”
“Hi X,September 22, 2026. The day started great; I started for the 31rd time the day with a dip in the Baltic sea, and by catching some sun for 45 minutes.
Yes, that works. See you tomorrow at 1:00 PM at Alenius Coffee, Havsgatan 1.
Warmest regards'
Peter”
Then I went downtown to have brunch (I don't eat breakfast, and fast for 17 – 21 hours, sometimes more, every day).
I was a bit early, so I cycled to the harbor to look at boats. I even had a conversation with a father and his daughter about their Bavaria 42 feet sailboat.
The weather was warmer and sunnier than during the morning. The café is situated so that the sun points right in your face. My host hadn't showed up, so I sat down outside to wait for him. Soon he showed up, and after we greeted with a handshake, he offered to buy me a cup of coffee.
As we sat down, and I had switch to shorts, I gave a brief orientation about the topic we shared an interest in. And here's where things went wrong, and we lost entrainment.
Even so, when I mentioned sir Michael Rutter, the father of child psychiatry, who in 2010 had approved my work, saying that it's hot political potato, He stared off into the ether and said he recognized the name. That memory likely came from my email to him on October 25, 2025.
I then commented on a conversation I had with a psychotherapist on Facebook on ADHD, which led to the nature-nature debate. I subscribe to the idea that ADHD = executive dysfunction and is caused by nurture. My host instantly sided with the nature side.
He showed no ambition to reason – exchange ideas through language or talking without winning (Karadzhov et al. 2024; Pinker, 2011; Borgström, 2023; Strudwicke et al. 2023). Instead, he started to interrogate me and question what I sad.
When I mentioned what his former colleagues had pointed out in April, 2022, that Finnish women's relational aggressiveness is the big issues, he said that it was wrong. (Worth remember: he left the police organization due to lack of acceptance of diagreement.)
The same happened when I pointed out that research conducted with validated instruments, demonstrate that the typical perpetrator of domestic violence is a women.
He interrupted me and pointed out that data from the police and other authorities showed the opposite.
When I pointed out that the police and other authorities do not base their conclusions on actual violence but on claims of violence – which is a typical female behavior – he got angry.
Like most angry people, he didn't admit he was wrong, but instead he asked what I had published on the topic.
When I explained that a scientist doesn't refer to his/hers work alone, but the pattern that forms via a meta-perspective, he switched to methods.
Here he gave the oddest of comments. He referred to what he called randomized controlled questionnaires. (From a perspective of combinatory thinking, it's what we creativity researchers call combining non-related mental objects.)
A questionnaire's typical design is based on statements. These statements are reduced to form latent structures. Conclusions are limited to correlation – covariation with association.
RCT is an abbreviation of Randomized Control Trial, which means direct observation of an intervention, which is then compared to a control group by using fancy statistical analysis. This approach allows conclusions about cause-effects.
I pointed out that questionnaires are not administered as RCTs. (I also mentioned that I teach method.)
He didn't give in, but said that it was questionnaires which were randomly selected. This is known as defensive argumentation, which is also discriminated from the optimal: reasoning.
When I repeated that I teach methods, and what he already knew, that I was recruited to Finland because of my expertise, he replied that he also had a PhD, in criminology, and added that he has published lots of papers.
He's coffee was now on the brink of boiling over, and he raised his tone and said that he didn't believe anything I said.
Then I mentioned that its not the amount of papers you published, but the patterns many different papers form, that matters.
That probably was when his coffee boiled over; his suddenly stood up and said he had to leave, and that I was welcome to send him references.
I repeated that I was recruited to Finland because of my expertise, and that I'm offer master classes.
He didn't listen, he just left (fight-flight).
Why do people's coffee sometimes boil over?
The short version is that elevated levels of cortisol block hippocampi (there's one in each hemisphere) in favor of amygdalae (there's also one in each hemisphere) (Goleman, 2006).
It's also likely that there's some malfunction in the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC) (Puiu et al. 2020).
These people are sometimes called bad apples.
“Yes, there is a study from 2006 known as the “Bad Apple Effect.” This research was conducted by William Felps, Terence Mitchell, and Eliza Byington at the University of Washington. The study examined how one negative team member can significantly impact the overall performance and dynamics of a group (Co-pilot)
“This paper presents a review and integrative model of how, when, and why the behaviors of one negative group member can have powerful, detrimental influence on teammates and groups. We define the negative group member as someone who persistently exhibits one or more of the following behaviors: withholding effort from the group, expressing negative affect, or violating important interpersonal norms. We then detail how these behaviors elicit psychological states in teammates (e.g. perceptions of inequity, negative feelings, reduced trust), how those psychological states lead to defensive behavioral reactions (e.g. outbursts, mood maintenance, withdrawal), and finally, how these various manifestations of defensiveness influence important group processes and dynamics (e.g. cooperation, creativity). Key mechanisms and moderators are discussed as well as actions that might reduce the impact of the bad apple. Implications for both practice and research are discussed” (Felps et al. 2006).
“A single “bad apple” can reduce team performance by 30 – 40%. That's not a typo – one negative person can slash your team's effectiveness by nearly half” (The Leaders Guide).
“Common defensive mechanisms employees use to cope with a “bad apple” include denial, social withdrawal, anger, anxiety and fear. Trust in the team deteriorates and as the group loses its positive culture, members physically and psychologically disengage themselves from the team” (Gardner, 2007).
More reading: Finland's collapse is continuing, but no politician or public manager admits to having done anything wrong
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More about my expertise:
Executive coaching for CEOs/managers and workshops to facilitate Organizational Performance, Learning, and Creativity for Problem Solving | Lectures: Nutrition for physical and mental health | Course/lecture: children's emotional and social adjustment and cognitive development | Language training - Swedish | Academy Competency | CV | Teaching skills and experience | Summary of research project | Instagram | Linkedin | YouTube-channel | TikTok | X
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